The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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