Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
