idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
