I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
