Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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