i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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