Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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