I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im holly from the hills drunk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
