Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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