i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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