Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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