I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Blood and glitter go together right?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
