thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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