how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
