never play flip cup with pint glasses
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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