I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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