were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
