Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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