toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
