My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
