At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
