Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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