im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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