bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
