you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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