Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
