Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
