What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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