Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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