if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize