Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
