Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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