He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Damn victory sex feels great
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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