so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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