it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
