Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
