so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
