Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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