recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
