Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
