I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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