hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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