You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
