Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
