last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize