I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
