whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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