My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
