i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
