And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize