some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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