I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
