CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
