WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize