There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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