The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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