Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
