How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
