I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
