Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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