Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
