dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I deserve to be covered in dicks
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
