I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
