WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
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