I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
