You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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