As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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