Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
