eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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