What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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