a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
