OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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