I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
