you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
