I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
