So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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