i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
