i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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