My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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