More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
