I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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